When is dating actually dating, a male perspective…

This 40 year old is enjoying the good life. All is well. I’m having fun with my family and friends with plenty of laughs to go around. The holidays are upon us and it’s the most wonderful time of the year. At least until I was asked the other day, “why don’t you have a date tonight?”. It got me thinking about the dating world or what is considered “dating” these days and how to survive dating as a single guy.

If you’re single and not ready to settle down or have a girlfriend (i.e., committed relationship) you are then relegated to the life of dating. You can date one or multiple females and still have your freedom. You can have multiple dates within a week or so and no one is upset in the process. Keeping your calendar up-to-date becomes a priority. I hardly used the calendar app on my cell phone but now it’s the first thing I check in the mornings. I have to see what my plans are for the day and who I will be hanging out with later. Is it the school teacher, the doctor, the artist or the newbie that just moved in down the hall? Actually, until one of them says “yes” I won’t be going out with anyone.

If you are dating it means there are no big expectations from you or the other person. While the basic expectations remain the same (pick her up, flowers, dinner, dancing, make her laugh, tell her she is beautiful, great conversation) there are no expectations for other things like meeting her family or paying for certain things (did she really think that after 2 dates I was the person to call to ask for that?). The biggest non-expectation is that either person has to be available. That is part of what dating is about. You make use of your time so that it’s best for you. You are not obligated to be free just because the other person calls. And because you are juggling calendar slots it makes it so much more fun. Single guys must always remember that women have just as many, if not more, slots to juggle. Women always do.

For women, dates can come like rain. There is always some guy trying to ask her out. Granted she turns the majority of them down because they are from men she doesn’t even know. But for single guys, it is really more of a guessing game or a numbers game. Some (I did say some) of the women we come in contact with we just are not going to go ask out for various reasons. But the other 98% of the women we meet become part of the “game”. We will ask out 20 women in hopes that 5 actually consider it and then 2 of them say yes. YES! Just filled 2 slots on my calendar. I am the man.

So what constitutes dating anyway? Is it going out with someone once a week or a couple times a week? Is it the type of activity that is involved? Is it the quantity or quality of the communication? Single guys will do everything to keep the dating going but keep it in a “safe zone” so that a relationship (oh my!) doesn’t form. I mean if you don’t want a relationship why act like you are in one right? If we are just dating, do I have to treat you extra special? I mean do I have to ask about your kids, your cat, that coworker that you mentioned that gets on your nerves? I think if you are dating someone, then date them. Don’t be a “friend” to them. At least not yet. Yes, you can be nice, and caring but don’t be too friendly because nothing translates to friend zone quicker than being too friendly.

So make it known that you are dating or have the ability to date (and she does too). A lot of times men put forth so much effort that the woman thinks she is the only one he is dating. Don’t get me wrong, let her know you like her, that she is someone you enjoy being with, but keep that air of “hmmm I wonder” going. I’m not talking about being deceitful, or playing games with her, just be honest and upfront. In this day and age it would be silly not to be direct. You don’t have to explain everything you are doing though (I’m sure she isn’t either). When you’re hanging out with the fellas do you tell her that or do you just say you have plans already? Make her “wonder”, make her think of how can she get plans with you again. I’m sure the excitement of dating will stay at a high level.

So get out. Have fun. Enjoy your freedom. Meet and date new women. Create new experiences. Do the things that are exciting for you. Who knows you may not be single for too long. I gotta go. I think my calendar app is not working correctly because it says I have 2 dates tonight.