Being a single girl in Nigeria is interesting. Why? Because the experiences you encounter are really vast. Aside from the fact that almost everyone believes you should be married with children before you get close to age 28, some others, and a lot at that, believe you have a problem if you’re still single at 30. It’s not uncommon when you are asked for your name for the VERY NEXT question to be: Miss or Mrs?
Do I need mention that being a ‘Mrs’ automatically earns you more respect? In Nigeria, three religions are widely practiced, Christianity, Islam and the Traditional Religion. We would all agree that words of prayer are good, right? For example, when a friend says “best wishes” that means he or she is praying for you to have the best in what you setting out to do. Isn’t it?
Being a ‘Mrs’ automatically earns you more respect.
Let me share with you a typical interaction with my Mom. As a single girl with a house of my own, running my generator 24/7 is hard because consistent electricity is scarce. My work as a digital consultant requires me to be online ’round the clock so I’ll sometimes visit my parents (who have electricity) and spend some time with my adorable baby, (who turned six about a week ago by the way). I enjoy staying in their house; *giggles*, and apart from eating their food, the electricity is more reliable, and when there isn’t, they run the generator. I really need that electricity 😅.
Anyway back to the matter, being a single girl here means this, when you converse with Mom about the future, she prays for you like this, oko rere lo ma fe (you will marry a great husband), he will treat you like a queen, be your helper and best friend.
Me: Amen thank you Mom. Hmmm okay, I will take a break and visit my uncle who also happens to be a church pastor.
Uncle: Oh MJ, so nice to see you, (we talk and catch up on a lot), it was really nice of you to come, oh okay; you set to leave? Let us say a word of prayer, I pray for you to have a good health, to be happy and successful.
Me: Waiting for that part of the prayer that will never be missed as long as am a single girl. Here it is.
Uncle: Spends more minutes praying for a good husband.
Me: Whew 😅. I need another break to visit my aunty who coincidentally also happens to be a traditionalist, we are catching up as usual because she’s friendly like that, amidst our conversation, she’s giving me tips on meeting nice guys, probing me to tell her about any nice guy at the moment. Oh well, I love you aunty but I’ve got to go now.
Aunty: She says aww, you are leaving too soon, okay my dear, be on the way so you won’t be late, don’t worry, that good husband is coming your way soon certainly.
Me: Sighs, takes another visit to see a married girlfriend I haven’t seen in a long while, we are so excited catching up on our lives and reminiscing about old times, then oh snap, she remembers and she asks how far now?
Married Girlfriend: What are you doing to those bobos (guys), you are glowing and you look so happy hence there must be a bobo to credit for all this.
Me: resigns to fate…am so doomed. Okay let’s stop right here for now, all these people, they mean absolutely well but they’ve got to understand something.
- I would always glow and be happy whether I have a man in my life or not. If i get a man, then we both would always be happy together. No room for sadness to creep in and make me depressed.
- Can you please pray for me to be the person I want to be in my heart? Pray for me to be a good person filled with love, humility and compassion only, without having to add a prayer for a good husband?
- I have dreams too, you know. I want to be a helper to all I can, being a Mrs this or that is not a dream, or aspiration at all. I am not dreaming of waiting for a prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet.
- I want to travel the world, yes support me in that. I want to build an ICT resource centre for women and kids at risk right here in Nigeria, and ultimately all over Africa. Kindly support my cause, a drop of water dripping continuously makes an ocean. Be a drop of water today
Ask me what I want. All these things will make my life complete as a person.
Lastly, yes I may be lonely at times, yes I may be sad for some minutes, but make no mistake about this, I am firmly part of #SingleGirlsRock. I am pretty sure being a part of #MarriedGirlsRock has its benefits too, but let me enjoy rocking my single life without you being the voice that is constantly reminding me of how you believe my life isn’t complete without a man in it. My life is complete when I see a smile on your face. I put a smile on the face of someone who’s hopeless, sees my adorable baby smile all the time and sees each member of my household and friends smile.
You want more stories from my world? Let me hear a Yaaaaay!!!